Leading and Love

We say never or always when we are resolute about an undertaking. Within that moment, we tend to forget what either of those terms imply.

Never occurs in a very long time span. You assign a 0% likelihood of something happening. Yes, you can be sure about some things. Saying never is kind of a way to secure our minds and behaviors against certain undesirable results.

For example,

• I will never get high.

• I will never lie to my spouse.

• I will never abandon my children.

• I will never choose work over my family.

The opposite of never is always.

Always assigns a 100% likelihood of occurrence.

Imagine the pressure you put on yourself when you attach ‘always’ to your objectives.

For example,

• I will always be sober.

• I will always tell my spouse the truth.

• I will always be there for my children.

• I will always choose my family over work.
  
  
  

It’s ambitious but it’s not human. We don’t deliberately fail. We just show up unprepared to deal with certain situations. Combine the ‘us’ factor with the ‘everything else’ factor and ‘never’ and ‘always’ become ‘maybe’, or ‘sometimes’, or ‘depends’. 

Idea #1

Remove the extra pressure by establishing your value system. Decide with your counterpart what is important to both of you. These things together form your value system. Determine how you will both contribute to your value system.

Idea #2

Be assertive. Instead of saying never, or always, say when you will do certain things or when you will not do certain things.

For example,

“When I am out in public, I will not consume any alcohol or narcotics.”

Or

“When I have to choose between work and family, I will inform my partner, and we will make a decision together.”

Quote #1

“You don't know what you're going to do in a situation until faced with it. Life lesson learned. I was going to have to banish 'never' from my repertoire.” -Abigail Barnette

Quote #2

“Never say never. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it.” -Gloria Swanson

Quote #3

“We often betray our arrogance or immaturity by asserting that we will never do something bad that we are capable of doing.” -Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Challenge

Rather than saying ‘never’, consider what actions will lead to specific outcomes and set boundaries to limit those occurrences.

Affirmation

I am in charge of my actions and I am a major contributor to my outcome.