Leading and Love

Whenever we get into conflict at home, we start off on the premise that it's not about who is right and who is wrong. We do this so that each person feels safe. When each person feels safe, they have more room to think clearly rather than devoting head space to defending themselves. This gives us the opportunity to trace back through the lineage of events that lead to one person being hurt, while acknowledging the fact that there could be traces of hurt for either party. Not doing this causes us to focus on who is wrong and everything points to that person. So what is it about? Well, it’s about feelings. 

Feelings (or emotions) are such a big part of who we are. They form the differentiating factor between two people confined to a segment of time. Our feelings are not isolated. They travel with us and many times they lead us. They are very much connected to every part of us - our experiences, our perspective, and the choices we think we have.

Idea #1

Feelings are at the core of a lot of our pursuits. If we are excited about a venture then we might put all our resources into it. The excitement might trigger impatience which can lead to rash decision making. If we are apprehensive about chasing our dreams then we might spend a lot of time assessing all the possible threats. The fear and anxiety might trigger over rationalizing, leading to paralysis.

Idea #2

Feelings can cause us to do a lot of the things that we end up regretting. The lineage of events is usually a web of triggers and responses. So who is right and who is wrong? Both are right about their feelings. But both can also be wrong about their reactions. Trying to determine who is right and who is wrong ultimately leads to who is more right versus who is more wrong, and the conflict isn’t resolved. Unfortunately, you can’t blame your feelings for bad outcomes. You have to be able to weaponize your feelings for good, not for evil.

Quote #1

“Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.” - Andre Lorde

Quote #2

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.” - Johnny Depp

Quote #3

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” - Charles W. Buechener

Challenge

Become better at acknowledging your feelings and identifying how and where they are leading you.

Affirmation

I will weaponize my feelings for good.