Leading and Love

Communication

Misunderstandings Are Inevitable—and Necessary
In every strong relationship—whether romantic, familial, or professional—misunderstandings are inevitable. For couples who lead in the workplace and at home, the stakes often feel higher. A quick comment, a forgotten message, or a misinterpreted action can trigger tension and silence. And yet, when viewed with openness and care, these moments can become the very soil where resilience and deeper connection take root.

What Misunderstandings Reveal About Ourselves
Misunderstandings have a way of surfacing what lies beneath the surface: our assumptions, our expectations, and the unspoken narratives we carry into our relationships. While many couples seek to avoid these moments or resolve them as quickly as possible, the couples who are truly built to last do something different. They lean in.

One of the hidden gifts of misunderstanding is self-awareness. When we’re misunderstood, it stirs emotion—frustration, sadness, defensiveness. These responses often have less to do with the moment itself and more to do with past experiences, insecurities, or unmet needs. Psychologist and author Dr. Daniel Goleman notes that emotional intelligence begins with the ability to recognize and name what we’re feeling. Misunderstandings give us repeated opportunities to pause, reflect, and ask: Why did that bother me so much? What story am I telling myself right now?

Developing Emotional Intelligence at Home and Work
For couples who lead, the habit of asking these questions builds not only emotional intelligence but emotional maturity. Leadership, after all, is not simply about achieving results—it’s about managing relationships with integrity and empathy. When practiced at home, this type of emotional discipline often strengthens how one leads in the workplace.

The Power of Curiosity in Conflict
Another gift embedded in misunderstanding is the opportunity to see our partner more clearly. When we assume their intent and rush to judgment, we miss the opportunity to hear their perspective, understand their heart, and learn what matters most to them. Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication, teaches that beneath every criticism or defensiveness is an unmet need. In healthy relationships, misunderstandings become invitations to understand not just the words our partner uses, but the needs and values behind them.

Learning to Repair Builds Resilience
There is also a resilience that comes from learning how to repair after conflict. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who have studied married couples for decades, emphasize that repair is one of the greatest indicators of relational longevity. It’s not about avoiding mistakes or always saying the right thing—it’s about returning to one another after disconnection. Saying, “I didn’t understand you, but I want to try again,” or “Can we revisit that moment?” builds trust. Each repair becomes a brick in the foundation of a relationship built to last.

Humility: The Quiet Strength in Love
Perhaps most significantly, misunderstandings call us back to humility. They remind us that no matter how capable, driven, or articulate we are as leaders, we are still learning in love. They remind us that listening is more powerful than defending, and that clarity often comes not from winning the argument, but from staying present in the discomfort long enough to find the truth.

Choosing Growth Over Avoidance
In a culture that celebrates quick fixes and flawless communication, there’s something sacred about a relationship where two people are willing to sit with each other through confusion, and choose curiosity over control. The couples who are built to last aren’t the ones who never misunderstand each other—they’re the ones who keep showing up, again and again, willing to grow through it.

Because in the end, the gift inside every misunderstanding isn’t just clarity. It’s connection.