Leading and Love

Engaged

Preparing for the Promise

Engagement is a season filled with excitement, anticipation, and planning. From choosing a venue to selecting your wedding colors, the focus often centers around the big day. But the most important work of engagement isn’t logistical—it’s relational.

The strength of your marriage won’t be built on how beautiful your wedding was. It will be built on how prepared you are for real life—when the celebration fades, and the work of building a life together begins.

For couples in leadership—those used to decision-making, driving vision, and carrying responsibility—the temptation is to assume that communication will come naturally. But great leadership at work doesn’t automatically translate to great communication at home. And the best way to build a marriage that’s built to last is to start with the right conversations.

Here are five essential ones every engaged couple should have before they say “I do.”

1. What Does “Home” Mean to You?

At the heart of every marriage is the idea of home. But home means different things to different people—depending on how they were raised, their expectations for marriage, and their emotional needs.

Talk about:

• What does a peaceful home look and feel like to you?
  
  

• How did your parents handle conflict or affection growing up?
  
  

• What rhythms or traditions are important to you?
  
  

These conversations help unearth assumptions before they become frustrations. They also lay the foundation for creating a home that reflects both of your values—not just one person’s family blueprint.

2. How Will We Handle Conflict?

Every couple has conflict. The difference between couples who last and couples who don’t is how they handle it.

Discuss:

• How do each of you tend to respond to stress or disagreement?
  
  

• Are there “off-limit” topics that need to be revisited with safety?
  
  

• What does repair look like when things go wrong?
  
  

The Gottman Institute found that the way a couple handles conflict early on is one of the most accurate predictors of long-term success. Learning how to navigate tension with honesty and empathy before the wedding sets a powerful tone for the years ahead.

3. What Role Will Faith and Values Play in Our Lives?

Shared values don’t mean you’ll always agree, but they do provide a compass. Faith, spirituality, and moral convictions will shape how you make decisions, raise children, spend money, and handle loss.

Talk about:

• What does your faith mean to you personally?
  
  

• How do you want it expressed in your future home?
  
  

• What practices or beliefs are non-negotiable?
  
  

Couples who enter marriage aligned in their core values often experience greater unity and fewer fractures during high-pressure seasons.

4. How Will We Relate to Money?

Money is one of the top sources of stress in marriage—not because couples don’t have enough, but because they view it differently.

Discuss:

• Are you a spender, saver, or security-seeker?
  
  

• What does financial success look like to you?
  
  

• How will we make decisions about major purchases, giving, or debt?
  
  

It’s not just about creating a joint account—it’s about creating a shared philosophy. This conversation helps couples shift from individual survival to collective stewardship.

5. What Do You Need to Feel Loved and Respected?

Love is not one-size-fits-all. Understanding how your partner receives love, affection, and respect is essential for long-term connection.

Ask:

• What makes you feel most supported when you’re stressed?
  
  

• Are there things your past relationships taught you to avoid or desire?
  
  

• How can I show love in a way that feels meaningful to you?
  
  

Conversations about emotional needs aren't signs of weakness—they’re signs of maturity. Knowing how to show up for each other in personalized ways builds safety and strength over time.

Build Before the Storm

These five conversations won’t eliminate conflict, confusion, or hard days. But they will give you tools to face them together. They’ll create clarity where many couples drift. And most of all, they’ll help you step into marriage with your eyes and hearts open—not just for the wedding, but for the life you’re building afterward.

Because couples who are built to last don’t wait until things fall apart to talk. They start before the vows—with truth, humility, and hope.

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