Leading and Love

Finance

Wealth-building is often framed as the pinnacle of leadership responsibility. Parents want to provide security for their children, spouses want to create stability, and families dream of leaving an inheritance. But as noble as financial goals can be, they also carry hidden risks. Wealth can become a source of division if pursued without purpose, or a substitute for presence if leaders equate provision with love. The challenge is not only to build wealth but to do so without losing sight of why—or who—it is for.

The Tension Between Provision and Presence
Many leaders equate financial success with family success. They think, “If I can provide enough, my family will be happy.” Yet research shows otherwise. A Harvard Study of Adult Development (Waldinger & Schulz, 2015) found that the quality of relationships, not wealth or fame, is the strongest predictor of long-term happiness and health. Provision matters, but presence matters more.

This does not mean money is unimportant. Without financial stability, stress increases, and opportunities diminish. But when pursuit of wealth eclipses connection, families suffer. Children who grow up with abundant resources but absent parents often express longing for time, not money. Spouses left in second place to careers often experience resentment, no matter the comforts wealth affords.

Clarifying the “Why” of Wealth
To avoid these pitfalls, leaders must clarify the “why” behind their financial goals. Questions to ask include:

• “Is my wealth-building motivated by fear, pride, or love?”
  
  

• “What values do I want our money to reflect—generosity, stability, opportunity?”
  
  

• “What experiences and lessons do I want my children to inherit along with resources?”
  
  

Clarifying the “why” ensures that money serves the family rather than the family serving money.

Wealth as a Tool for Connection
Money itself is neutral; how it is used determines its impact. Families who align financial decisions with values transform wealth into a tool for connection. Examples include:

• Funding shared experiences like family trips or projects rather than only possessions.
  
  

• Supporting causes that align with family values, such as education or community service.
  
  

• Teaching children financial literacy through involvement in budgeting or charitable giving.
  
  

These practices keep wealth tied to meaning, ensuring it enhances rather than replaces connection.

The Risk of Overwork
Wealth-building often demands long hours, multiple commitments, or relentless hustle. While these sacrifices may yield financial gain, they can also erode health and relationships. Burnout, marital strain, and parent-child disconnection are common byproducts.

Sustainable wealth requires sustainable practices. This includes setting limits on work hours, protecting family rituals, and prioritizing rest. Research by Greenhaus and Powell (2006) on work-family enrichment shows that when work positively supports family life (and vice versa), both domains thrive. The key is ensuring that professional ambition does not cannibalize family connection.

Modeling Values for the Next Generation
Wealth without values can burden rather than bless. Studies of generational wealth often reveal a “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves” cycle, where the first generation builds, the second maintains, and the third loses it (Perry, 2010). What breaks this cycle is not stricter financial planning alone but intentional value transmission.

Children who understand the effort, discipline, and purpose behind family wealth are more likely to steward it well. This means involving them in conversations about generosity, budgeting, and priorities. Leaders who connect money with mission raise children who see wealth as a responsibility, not just an entitlement.

A family that builds wealth with clear purpose leaves not only resources but also identity. Conversely, families that sacrifice relationships on the altar of wealth may leave inheritance but no intimacy.

Building wealth is part of leadership, but sustaining families requires more than accumulation. By clarifying the “why,” using wealth as a tool for connection, setting limits on overwork, and modeling values, leaders ensure that wealth builds rather than erodes legacy. The true measure of success is not just what families leave behind but who they become in the process.