Leading and Love

Married

It’s not always a fight that makes the distance. Sometimes it’s just… life.

Two busy calendars. Two exhausted bodies. A thousand tiny responsibilities. You wake up, manage the morning, lead all day, come home, clean up, collapse. And somewhere in the blur, you realize you’ve become excellent partners—but not always close companions.

You still love each other. But the spark feels far away, like a porch light you can see from the road but can’t quite reach.

This is more common than we admit—especially for leaders who carry weight all day and then try to “switch on” at home. Emotional capacity is not infinite. If we spend all our patience at work, we come home offering leftovers.

Distance in marriage is rarely a single betrayal. More often it’s a slow drift: less curiosity, less laughter, fewer meaningful touches, fewer honest conversations. Intimacy doesn’t disappear overnight; it fades when connection stops being protected.

Distance often begins with missed conversations, as outlined in Seven conversations every couple should have.

But the good news is this: connections can be rebuilt. Not by chasing a feeling, but by practicing closeness. Not by dramatic reinvention, but by small, steady acts of kindness, empathy, and intentional presence.

Rebuilding Intimacy without Forcing It

1) Stop measuring love by “spark” and start measuring it by attention.
Spark is often the byproduct of being seen. Start there.
Ask better questions: “What’s been heavy lately?” “Where do you feel alone?” “What do you need from me this week?”

2) Schedule the reconnection before you “feel like it.”
Feelings follow faithfulness. A 20-minute walk, a coffee together, a shared playlist while making dinner—small rituals matter. They create the conditions where joy returns.

Reconnection requires emotional safety, a focus of Talking Like a Team: Emotional Safety in High-Achieving Families.